4 Things to Do After Loss

My book, Breath by Breath: A Journey of Yoga & Loss, was written in the immediate aftermath of losing my dear mother, Jo-Ann. The writing of it was my therapy and was the first step of my healing journey.

As anyone that has survived devastating loss can tell you, the healing process is a roller coaster ride. There are times when you will feel normal and others when you feel the weight of the world collapsing in on you. It's during these times, that these four practices will best serve you.

1. Move Your Body with Intention

   This can look like many different things. For me, in the earliest days of my grief, I barely wanted to move let alone do my asana (posterial yoga) practice. Instead, I found relief in the routine of walking my then dog, Malcolm. It was this routine of movement, scheduled walks with my four-legged companion, that reinforced life's continuity.

After two weeks, I returned to asana and found relief in the structure of my practice and sharing that practice with my students. Movement allows old energy to leave the body and new energy to enter. This new energy is what propels the healing forward.

2. Find Your Breath

Pranayama is the practice of paying attention to and creating boundary with the breath. This goes beyond "a few deep breaths." Pranayama offers the opportunity to listen to the body and its rhythm. It provides an intentional slowing down and softening. In my early grief, I used the boundary of my breath to feel grounded and to be in touch with the force of life itself.

The breath or prana, the life force, not only works to connect us with ourselves but also serves as a passage way to the Universe and its abundance. When you are grieving, you feel as though you lost everything. The breath reminds us that it is still there sustaining and nurturing us.

3. Meditate

Meditation is an opportunity to be still. In the beginning of my grief journey, it was impossible to sit in the quiet. Too many memories of Jo-Ann's last months would flood in and with it a torrent of pain. I rebuilt my practice slowly. Handling silence one second at a time, then one minute at a time. After a few months, I found myself sipping my morning warm lemon water in complete silence.

Meditation is a practice. Do not jump in and think that you can sit for an hour in the beginning. This is especially true when the nervous system is working overtime to process grief. When you get distracted, be soft and forgiving with yourself. Your loved one would want that.

4. Turn to Ancient Wisdom

One purpose of my book, Breath by Breath, was to remind my readers that yoga extends far beyond what we do on a mat. For me, the myths of India and the pre- colonization beliefs of Africa come into play as I continue to process my loss. Myths offer an opportunity for deep truths to be conveyed to us in a way that we can understand. These stories meet us where we are and provide certain revelations when we need them most.

No matter what your belief system, turn to these stories that have been shared for millenia. They are proof that all humans are connected by both triumph and tragedy. That is how we affirm Life.

For further reading, Breath by Breath: A Journey of Yoga & Loss is available on the Shop page.